Today I'm here to ask the question: Conflict...is it really all that bad?
It doesn't feel good. That's for sure.
But it's been coming up a lot. So let's dig in.
For example in my world, recently a team member and I got on a video call (note I said video call - because we understand the value in seeing body language and facial expression).
While on the call, we realized we weren't in alignment on something. So we talked out the issue that we were out of alignment on, so we could run together.
At the end of the call, we asked each other how we felt on a scale of 1-10 about what we worked through. She was a 6-7, and I was a 9.
But more on that in a second.
(⬇️ Btw, watch instead of reading, or read on below. ⬇️)
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There's a great definition I heard recently that I wanna share:
"Conflict resolution is the process of addressing AND resolving of relational tension in a way that promotes understanding, that restores peace, and honors truth and people."
I loved that definition because so often we go into disagreements thinking:
- "I have to prove I'm right and you're wrong" OR
- "I want to get to the end where we both agree"
If that's the desired outcome we usually default to, it could be the reason a lot of us don't do well with these conversations.
Both those outcomes are pretty black and white: Right | wrong. Or total agreement.
And that's...unreasonable. Because the world isn't black and white.
It's why I was a '9' at the end of my call. And my team member was a 6 or 7.
Because we all wear things differently. We all hold things uniquely. Sometimes we take things personally. Sometimes we feel things differently.
That's not right or wrong. It just IS.
And now...let's talk about some GOOD things about conflict:
- It doesn't have to be destructive. It can actually be used to advance the mission you're on.
- When it's handled properly, it can mature us and help us move into the place we want to be.
- Conflict is often actually a normal state, especially when we're maturing and growing.
So, yes. It doesn't often feel good. BUT I also don't want you to miss the good things that can come from it.
So today, I want to encourage you to consider:
- What would a courageous conversation look like that honors someone you're out of alignment with? A conversation that seeks to understand?
- What are some curious starters you can have in this conversation?
- Have you taken time to reflect on you, and your part in the situation?
- What are you hoping to achieve (other than right/wrong, or in total agreement)?
I hope that helps reframe your thinking on conflict. If anything today sparked something you want to explore further, feel free to reach out.
Blessings,
Dawn
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